I am considering changing the title of this post to Food Glorious Food as Melbourne itself didn’t really feature much over our three day escape down south. Food, however, dominated. It rained. It combuddled fabulous food for three straight stomach-stretching days. And it was glorious.
You all know that I am usually a shining example of healthy eating so it might come as a surprise to learn just what kind of food we consumed over our three button-busting days. We didn’t visit Yong Green and consume their fresh raw food. Nor did we stop in at Vegie Bar for a light seasonal wonton broth. Oh no, instead we decided to visit Lord of the Fries… FOUR times… and Trippy Taco and Gasometer and SoulMama and La Panella and omg it was all so ridiculously good. Lord of the Fries has offically become my mecca. I will be heading down on my pilgrimage at least once a year to consume endless amounts of terribly unhealthy burgers and sauce with a side of chips. Trippy Taco’s fries may have possibly changed my life. I shall never see wedges or plain chips with salt the same again. And La Panella? Well lets just say I may have lugged back boxes of doughnuts that are slowly causing any new Melbourne bought clothes to be discarded at the bottom of the wardrobe for a very long time.
We did do a couple of things other than eat. We rode on a tram, we saw one third of a really bad burlesque show, we spent a lot of money on clothes and visited a laneway or two but at the end of the day we were there to try the best of vegan food Melbourne had to offer and I think we more than covered that. Next time we might get to head out of town to a winery or check out a few of the local bars but more than likely you will just find me on a bench outside of Lord of the Fries ingesting and digesting more then my body-weight in burgers.
Friday

We had breakfast at home and tofu snacks on the plane before landing in Melbourne at midday.
Not 20 minutes off the plane and we had already stumbled across Lord of the Fries. What a co-inc-i-dinc! In my extreme excitement I did forget to take a photo of what we ate but luckily I have a memory like an elephant (when it comes to food, that is all). Kris and I shared the Guru burger, the Spicy burger and a serving of fries with chilli salsa and sour cream.

We then wondered up to Collingwood and stopped in at Trippy Taco. This was hit and miss but the hit just happened to go out of the ball park! Kris got the vegan quesadilla with extra avocado.

And I got the vegan nachos. They did bring me out a non-vegan taco first which I stupidly ate part of before realizing the mistake and my golly that caused my system some grief later on but I can’t fault the service or the nachos so I am still giving them a thumbs up.

If only in part because of their STUPIDLY AMAZINGLY AWESOME Trippy Taco chips. I died. I seriously died. I licked the bowl. These things were so good.
There may have also been some beers and sangria during the meal.
We also stopped in at Vegan Wares and Kris ordered a pair of custom purple shoes!

We then checked in at our hotel Clarion Suites. The view was lovely and the room was very large. The lobby smelt of decomposing trash but Kris thought I was crazy every time I said that so I won’t hold it against them.
We went for a wander around the CBD but had to go back to the hotel and quickly get ready to head over to Chapel Street where I had booked tickets to the opening of Red Bennies burqlesque bar’s new Kit Kat Club. We got there an hour late and the show wasn’t close to starting so we got a couple of cocktails. $25 each and were so bad they were barely drinkable. Another hour and we decided to order some food. While waiting for food Kris went to the smaller bar to order some more drinks but at the smaller bar they couldn’t serve cocktails or spirits so Kris got two beers which was $19. There was a $20 minimum so we ended up getting 3 beers. Our food arrived, a Mediterranean tapas plate. It wasn’t terrible but it was all fresh out of the jar, too much vinegar and brine is no ones friend. Another hour in and the show finally started. All was going well when after the first act we were told there would be a slight intermission. 20 minutes later the next act started and five minutes later another intermission. Another 20minute wait and the next act started. When they called the third intermission after just three acts we got up and left. I love burlesque, I will enjoy anything from the newbies fresh from Scoundrels to Catherine D’Lish. This was not enjoyable.
We decided to save the night by going for drinks at the Gin Palace in the CBD and stumbled around some alleys. It was actually a lot of fun trying to find our way back. Dame Edna may not have though so though
Saturday

The next morning we woke up feeling very worse for wear so ofcourse we stopped in at LotF for our first breakfast! This time we shared a Lord’s burger, a hot dog and fries with Smooth Southern BBQ sauce.

Along with onion rings and satay sauce.

For our second breakfast we caught a cab over to Smith Street for a Las Vegan brekkie. We both got their scrambled tofu with tempacon on olive and rosemary bread. I was really excited about tempacon as anyone that knows me will know my obsession with recreating bacon. This didn’t work for me. I found it to be overly smokey in a very unenjoyable way and the bread was so overpowering the rosemary leached into the tofu scramble and kind of ruined it for me. I have to note though, I was painfully hung over so any of this could just be exagerated in my booze filled brain. The service was so lovely and the feel of the cafe was wonderful. I would still go back despite of not loving their brekkie.
We may have then caught a cab back to the hotel for a nap.
At 1pm I kicked Kris out of bed and told him we had to go for lunch. We headed over to Chapel Street for a touch of shopping (by a touch I mean Kris spent a weeks wage on t-shirts. All from one shop. Plain ones. With pretty girls on them.). And of course we had to stop in at LotF seen as it was one that we hadn’t been to and we just HAD to see if it was better than the CBD one.

Kris and I shared the Big Mark burger, the Chicago (Manhattan? Philadelphia? Something city named) hot dog and a nuggets and fries munch box with chilli salsa and sour cream.
We then headed back over to Collingwood for our second lunch and visited the heavily recommended Gasometer. Although the sign on the door said that the kitchen opened at 2pm we were told when we got there that it wasn’t opening until 5 or 6pm. So we had some drinks. And some more drinks. And people watched all of the hipsters.

When we finally got some lunch at 5:30 we ended up sharing: the ribs, mac & cheese, roast garlic butter corn,

the limited edition chorizo burrito and salad.

This was goooood. Good in the way that “Holy crap I am so freaking full that was the best pub grub that I’ve ever had and it was MFKING VEGAN” but really individually it wasn’t that amazing. The stand out for me was the corn oddly enough. The burrito was delicious but there was much too much rice in it to be able to taste the chorizo which was really disappointing for me since chorizo and I have had many love affairs and I was very excited about tasting this new and improved vegan version.
The ribs were great but really I would prefer the Lam Yong ribs with some BBQ dipping sauce and Kris was adamant that his mac & cheese would win hands down.
I would recommend it and I will definitely go back but I wasn’t blown out of this world sadly.
We went back to the hotel and had another nap until 8pm. We went for a drink at a jazz bar called Blue Diamond. It was awesome and I would definitely recommend it. We will be going back. The ambiance was great, there was a view, the band was fabulous and my Bellini was amazing. Sadly though after one drink nothing else could fit in my tummy so we rolled back down the hill to our hotel and curled up for an early night.
Sunday

As tradition called we started our last day at LotF. Kris and I shared the Melbourne breakfast burger with extra bacon, a Big Mark and hash browns. Love.

After the first breakfast we hoped in a cab and headed out to Preston, about 20 minutes out of the CBD, to visit a little bakery called La Panella. It doesn’t look like much from the outside and it really isn’t anything much on the inside either but golly gee they can make a good doughnut!

I started off with what I just thought was a chocolate coated doughnut.

Which ended up having an amazing jam surprise.

And Kris got a curry burger which he loved, if anything it was a little soggy but still tasted awesomeballs. So good we ended up getting a second for the cab ride home.

We also got four cinnamon doughnuts but they ended up being shared by the kittens when we got home. There should be a law that plain doughnuts should only be served fresh from the fryer!

But my golly, I was still so happy about the awesome vegan doughnuts I got a little manic and started doing my happy vegan doughnut dance. They were seriously that good.

That good in fact that I ended up buying their whole stock of chocolate and strawberry jam doughnuts along with a bunch of plain chocolate coated doughnuts, lamingtons and some bread crumbs to take home!

We then did a whole lot of shopping around the CBD and I saw what I think is going to be a Melissa Shoe shop opening up in the Queen Victoria Building. If this turns out to be real than I will be going back to Melbourne ASAP!
I picked up a cute pair of Guess jeans along with some nice work shirts.
We then went back to our hotel and checked out and lugged our suitcases down to St Kilda Road for lunch.

But when we got out of the cab we were greated with this! PRIDE PARADE! I could not have thought of a better way to end our weekend in Melbourne then spending it celebrating awesomeness with awesome people!

With our suitcases and La Panella boxes in hand we joined in and marched down to SoulMama for lunch and cocktails and to watch the rest of the parade go by.

Kris got a Lychee Bomb cocktail.

And I got a Kiwi Mojito.

We shared the vegan Meze plate

and the gyoza which some of you may recognize as the Coles brand ones! Oh well, they still tasted amazing!
Once the parade finished and we were heading off to find a cab the rain set it. At first we were a bit miffed but then we remembered we were in Melbourne and it was our first spot of rain all weekend, it was actually kind of nice. We walked in the rain with boys hitting on Kris every 20 meters and me being the only female screeching about getting wet and finally found a cab to take us to the airport. We got changed into our fancier flight clothes, checked in and had our traditional scotch while waiting for the plane. It was such an amazing weekend.

There was some hits and some misses in Melbourne. The people weren’t awesome, the drinks weren’t great but my golly the deep fried awesome vegan food certainly made up for any short comings.
If we would go back for nothing else than we would still return for Lord of the Fries.
Kris:”You know, next time we’re really hung over it would totally be worth just hopping on a plane and coming down for Lord of the Fries” No truer words have been spoken my love, no truer words…